Fictional Brands

 

All fake products, locations, organizations, etc. from the works and mind of Bryant Loney, conveniently gathered for your amusement in order of appearance.

EXODUS IN CONFLUENCE (2013)

  1. The town of Cinder Heights, Wasserlein County, Maine—a tourist town surrounded by wooded hills. Includes locations such as Lincoln High School, Swithen Hall, and Arundel’s Cold Front Filling Station, a locally-owned gas station and auto garage. Population: 30,000.
  2. Leiden 21—a semiautomatic pistol designed and produced by Leiden Ges.m.b.H.
  3. Gletscher beer—includes Gletscher Light. Slogan: “Watered-Down Bliss.”
  4. The Orpheus—a U.S. indie, alternative rock band.
  5. Chasseur—a classic American sports vehicle.
  6. Car Babes calendar—a yearlong calendar featuring underdressed women next to various vehicles.
  7. TSC Muziek—an AM/FM stereo produced and manufactured by TSC, Temporary Simulations Corp.
  8. Your Goldie Oldies—a CD collection of music from the 1920s.
  9. Woody’s Hardware & Electronics—a home improvement and hardware store. Slogan: “For the Pro Creator in All of Us!”
  10. Hollywood’s Highest—a magazine and online tabloid featuring a “Celebrititties” section.
  11. The Windhaven Public—a daily newspaper for Windhaven, North Carolina, and its surrounding area. Slogan: “Veritas vos liberabit.”

TO HEAR THE OCEAN SIGH (2015)

  1. The City of Arminster, Arminster County, Oklahoma—a city on the Arkansas River in the northeast region of the state. Includes locations such as Finbarr Hennigan High School, Dunmire Preparatory School, Greenland Hills, Mountain Vista, Protzig Garden and Arts Museum, the Church on Redbud Avenue, St. Luke Hospital, the University of Arminster, Arminster Community College, St. Christopher’s University, the Crossed Flintlocks coffeehouse, Mistletoe Park, and Arminster International Airport. Population: 400,000.
  2. The City of Windhaven, Tallarico Bay County, North Carolina—a port city in the coastal southeastern region of the state. Includes locations such as Windhaven Beach, Ocean View Amusement Park, Tallarico Bay High School, Windhaven Memorial Gardens, the University of North Carolina in Windhaven, Jeremiah’s restaurant, and the USS Goodwin battleship. Population: 100,000.
  3. QuickSearch—an online search engine and Internet encyclopedia. Includes QuickSearch Maps. Slogan: “From QuickSearch, your fishing expedition.”
  4. TSC Serenade 7-Plus Ultra Pro—a smartphone designed and marketed by TSC.
  5. Coffeefolder (stylized as “CoffeeFolder” prior to 2019)—an online social networking service slowly declining in popularity. Slogan: “Your Business is Our Business!” Website: Coffeefolder.com
  6. Store Wars: Florida (stylized as “$tore Wars”)—an American reality television series featuring teams of professional bidders looking to buy abandoned, auctioned off shopping centers in hopes of selling their contents for profit.
  7. Julian Morrissey Inc.—designer, manufacturer, distributor, and servicer of luxury wristwatches sold under the Julian Morrissey brand. Includes the Nautilus Oyster collection.
  8. House of Love—an American reality television dating game series featuring a bachelor who must choose between fifteen women in hopes of finding a compatible partner. Season nineteen was the first to feature a bachelorette as the romantic lead and men as the contestants.
  9. Pulsar Skies—a U.S. indie band. Select songs: “Demon Drink,” “Sedona at 12:14 AM,” “Lights and Limousines,” “Ghoughpteighbteau,” “Miles in the Snow” (from their album The Nuclear Cold), and “The Sun Sets on Me Now” (from 2015’s Lost at Sea).
  10. Annihilation!—a cooperative, first-person shooter by video game designer Ted Errikson set in the year 2114. Features teen-cyborg Damian Strong (under the guise of Commander Ace Thunderbolt), “Binary Jack” Dixon, and Sergeant Mysti Moreno. The novelization series includes Annihilation! Book Five: Moonlight Requisition.
  11. TSC Galaxian Board (stylized as “GALAXIAN”)—an interactive whiteboard for classroom purposes produced and manufactured by TSC.
  12. Rudderless at Sea—an epistolary adventure novel written by American bestselling author Amos Metres, who also wrote suspense thrillers such as The Vanishing Act and Die in Peace, Sinner, among other books.
  13. Ivy’s Innuendo—an American retailer of women’s apparel and lingerie.
  14. Taco Kick—an American chain of Tex-Mex, fast-food restaurants. Slogan: “¡La Buena Loca!”
  15. Ricchezza’s—an American casual dining restaurant chain specializing in Italian-American cuisine.
  16. Privateer—an American full-size crossover SUV renowned for its safety features.
  17. America’s Next Top Foster Child—an American reality television show featuring twelve children competing for the love of a rich couple on the coast.
  18. Rehab Runway—an American reality television series featuring washed-up celebrities modeling their latest fashion designs while under the influence of illicit substances.
  19. Together Forever—an American romantic drama film based on the novel of the same name. Filmed in Windhaven.
  20. Live to Rise—an American superhero film of numerous critical awards and nominations.
  21. Adveston—an online marketing company with U.S. offices nationwide.
  22. Red Harbinger—alcohol popular among teenagers.
  23. SextMe—a photo-messaging application. Slogan: “Personalized Porn!”
  24. Rock Solid—an online Canadian pharmacy selling testosterone pills.
  25. CLICK*4*LOAN—an online company providing life insurance for as low as $13.04 per month.
  26. Hairy Gurlz—a pornographic video-sharing website specializing in hairy women.
  27. Rods’n’Reels—a pornographic BDSM site for anglers.
  28. Mary Had a Little Lamb—an independent slasher/horror film with a cult following.
  29. Seventh in Line—an American contemporary-fantasy film with mixed reviews.
  30. Polar Opposites—an Australian-American computer-animated family film featuring a clumsy polar bear and the ruthless penguin out to get him.
  31. Photofixer—an online, mobile photo-sharing service that enables its users to apply digital filters to their images and share them on a variety of social networking platforms, such as CoffeeFolder and Chipper. Slogan: “Revamp all the memories!”
  32. Chipper—an online social networking service that enables users to send and read short messages. Slogan: “Faking your virtual smile in a 120 characters or less!”
  33. Seymour and the Cancer Survivors—an American alternative rock band composed of a man named Seymour and fellow cancer survivors. Off their album Malignant Tumors: “Remission,” “Suspicious Mole,” “Radiation Man,” “Kimi Chemo,” “Wigged Out,” “Rash Decisions,” “Stage IV,” “Make A Wish,” and “Relapse.”
  34. Audiotherapy FM—an Arminster-based hospital radio station specifically designed for bedridden patients. Slogan: “Audiotherapy FM, your cure through our music.”
  35. Horney Islander’s—an American chain of restaurants specializing in hot dogs.
  36. WHVB-FM—a Windhaven-based radio station hosted by Kasey “the Boogeyman” Stafford. Slogan: “This is your Windhaven.”

TAKE ME TO THE CAT (2017)

  1. The town of Dreary, Dreary County, Alabama—a small west-central town surrounded by woodlands. Includes locations such as Dreary County High School and the famed Morrissey Ballroom (see “Julian Morrissey Inc.” above). A thirty-minute drive from Rochester, AL. Population: 4,900.
  2. The City of New Baines, Arminster County, Oklahoma—a city located in the northeastern part of the state. It is the largest suburb of Arminster. Includes locations such as New Baines High School, New Baines South Intermediate High School, Shaughnessy Estates, Shaughnessy Grove Cemetery, Shaughnessy Country Club, Shaughnessy Soccer Complex, Calvary Hills, Bundy Brook Apartments, Northeastern Oklahoma State College, and formerly Rutherford B. Hayes Elementary School. Population: 51,201.
  3. The town of Madison, Madison County, Oklahoma—a lake town on the south side of Lake Nasagarresett (known as Catfish Crater prior to 2009). Includes locations such as Mr. Swanky’s convenient store, Norman’s Motel, The Hickory Horned Devil bar, and Good Ol’ Days bar. Population: 6,600.
  4. The City of Red Springs, Arminster County, Oklahoma—a northern suburb of Arminster. Includes Red Springs Penitentiary. Population: 28,000.
  5. Double Chin—an American hamburger and fast food restaurant chain.
  6. Alpinist—a mid-sized luxury SUV discontinued in 2010.
  7. Two-Thirds Denim—an American rock band.
  8. Southern Pride and Prestige—a lifestyle magazine aimed at readers in the Southern United States.
  9. Hartsett University—a private university overlooking the Pacific Ocean near Malibu, California.
  10. Uprorrr—a microblogging and social networking site aimed toward progressive thinkers. Slogan: “Get Excited About the Things You Care About!” Website: Uprorrr.com
  11. Sea Breeze Academy—a tween American comedy-drama television series. The show centered on transfer student Brooklyn “Rook” Rivers and her friends at the titular fictional boarding school in Southern California. The series was shot on location at Hartsett University. Select episodes include “Double Trouble,” “Heatwave,” “Blackmail,” “Checkmate,” and “Campus, Sweet Campus.”
  12. Krijg de Tering—a collection of poems by Dutch WWII poet Ard van der Kolk.
  13. Penthouse Pursuit—an American reality television series following buyers interested in a new luxury living space, with the assistance of a real estate agent.
  14. Beneath the Makeup—a Young Adult horror novella by Michael G. Jackson. The narrative follows teen Madison Fitzgerald, who is haunted by her encounter with a clown named Mountebank at the Canopy Creek Fall Fair. The novella won the Dreary County Library’s Writer’s Spotlight in 2018.
  15. New Baines Ledgera daily newspaper for New Baines, Oklahoma.
  16. Hickman Construction—an Oklahoma construction company.
  17. Everblade Online—an MMORPG taking place in a medieval fantasy realm divided into different kingdoms, regions, and cities. Players interact with each other through trading, chatting, or by combat. Website: EverbladeOnline.com
  18. Kleidüng—an American fashion label specializing in men’s underwear.
  19. Big-Box—an American multinational retailing corporation that operates as a chain of hypermarkets, discount department stores, and grocery stores. Slogan: “Tires, groceries, credit card data—we’ve got it all. Big-Box: American proud.”
  20. Happy Cow—an American fast food restaurant chain specializing in chicken sandwiches.
  21. Come N’ Pull Out—a chain of gas stations and convenience stores primarily located in the Midwestern, Southern, and Southeastern United States.
  22. Lusso Costo—an international luxury fashion house. The company is known for its watches, handbags, and other accessories.
  23. University of Eastern Oklahoma (also referred to informally as EOU)—a coeducational public research university.
  24. Oklahoma State College (also referred to informally as OSC)—a coeducational public research university.
  25. Coaster King City—a theme park in the state of Missouri.
  26. 2 Many Kids 2 Count—an American reality television show featuring the Woodcock family: parents Bill Jim and Susy Rhee Woodcock and their unspecified number of children.
  27. Weeks Without WiFi—an American reality television show in which millennial contestants are stranded on a small island in an attempt to break their Internet addictions.
  28. Animal Nannies—a reality television series for Channel K for Kidz featuring veterinarians Trixie Maltese and Vicki Toyger’s work with problem pets.
  29. Supermodel Plastic Surgeons—an American reality television series focusing on humorously-botched plastic surgery in California.
  30. Finding Former Child Stars—an American television talk show centered on the stars of TV or film whose careers were at their peak in their formative years.
  31. My Stepsister is a Hoarder—an American reality television series depicting households with a family member who suffers from compulsive hoarding disorder.
  32. Sex-Related Injuries with Jake Palaver—an American late-night talk show hosted by Jake Palaver, a former pilot who appeared on six reality TV programs, most notably House of Love (see “House of Love” above).
  33. Growing Up Sucks—an American animated television series that focused on teenage and pre-teen issues and situations.
  34. Michael Jackson: Dance Party—a music video game based on pop singer Michael Jackson’s music and songs.
  35. Find My Family—an app that allows remote location-tracking of family members and ex-girlfriends.

SEA BREEZE ACADEMY (2018)

  1. Sea Breeze Academy—a spacious, open-air, multi-acre boarding school, which is not in Malibu exactly, but is very much in Malibu. Includes locations such as Parssinen Hall, Zhang Hall, Jepperson Hall, Mintz Plaza, G. M. Jenkins Administration Offices, Dutton Suites, Wright Suites, Robert Jackson Commons, Fukutsū, the SBA bookstore, the dean’s mansion, Redemption Rock, and the Nielsen yacht. Website: www.SeaBreezeAcademy.com
  2. Yuran—a generic Middle Eastern country in the middle of The Middle East featuring heat, sand, oil, stereotypes, and, of course, camels.
  3. Blazer V-9 hoverboard—a self-balancing personal transporter scooter produced by YOTRAIL.
  4. Vertex (stylized as “VERTEX”)—an American magazine that covers film, television, music, and popular culture, owned by Parrot Entertainment.
  5. Whazz—a fruit-flavored sports drink.
  6. SBA News—a student-run news production show for Sea Breeze Academy.
  7. Captain Canary—a comic book series focusing on the titular half-human, half-avian fictional superhero.
  8. Quality Copy Ltd.—a Los Angeles company that provides printing, copying, and binding services.
  9. Channel K for Kidz—an American basic cable and satellite television network with original cartoons, sitcoms, and products for children, owned by Parrot Entertainment. Shows include Squawky!, Animal Nannies, and Sea Breeze Academy.
  10. TSC Dreamscape GX Prime S Plus Close-Parenthesis—a smartphone designed and marketed by TSC.
  11. Special Mud—an American brand of skin care, hair care, and cosmetics.
  12. All the Feels—an American romance film starring Clara Underwood.
  13. Y-BS—a two-door luxury convertible manufactured by Luxur.
  14. Masterbait—an American social news and digital media company known for its online quizzes, listicles, and pop culture articles.
  15. Squawky!—an American animated television series for Channel K for Kidz centering on a teenage boy in a bird costume who gets adopted from the pet store by an oblivious couple, to the annoyance of their own teenage son. The series follows the son’s endeavors to expose Squawky as a human boy.
  16. Christmasland—an American chain of retail stores specializing in Christmas supplies and decorations.
  17. Raise the Steaks—an American reality-based cooking television game show series.